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Dyslexia, Self-harm and Suicide (Except from 'Dyslexia and Depression: The Hidden Sorrow) Table 35 investigated ‘self-harming’ in this sample and 85% felt that they did, with more females than males coping this way (83% to 64%). More depressive to non-depressives admitted self-harm (82% to 57%) along with more depressives with a degree to those without (91% to 73%). More depressive females self-harmed more than similar males (86% to 71%) and non-depressive females to males (67% to 50%). Self-harming is normally associated with depression but as self-harm is a broad term to mean alcohol, drug and food abuse along with cutting, many sufferers may not be perceived as depressive in its various severities. Furthermore Table 35 looked into feelings of ‘unworthiness’ and 65% of the whole sample admitted such thoughts and 62% felt helpless at times. With thoughts of unworthiness, these were greater amongst females than males (72% to 36%) with similar frequencies amongst the depressive and non-depressive samples (59% and 57%). Depressive females had more unworthiness feelings compared to males (67% to 43%) and non-depressive females to males thought they were unworthy (100% to 25%). Looking at the data for helplessness, this was greater amongst females to males (67% to 36%) greater amongst non-depressives to depressives (71% to 50%) with non-degree to degree educated depressives feeling more helpless (64% to 36%), and again female depressives scored higher than males (60% to 29%) and non-depressive females more than males (100% to 50%). The data suggests that both depressive and non-depressives in this sample experienced feelings of unworthiness and helplessness which have resulted in various types of self-harm and depression as noted in this study. Poustie and Neville (2004) suggests that Paracetamol overdose and cutting are the two most common forms of self-harm reported for children and young people and that research has also shown that self-harm is often not a singular occurrence, but is commonly repeated and can go on for many years (Harrington, Kerfoot, Dyer et al., 1998). A self report survey of more than N=6000 pupils aged 15-16 found that almost N=400 (6.9%) had self-harmed in the previous year (Hawton, Rodham, Evans and Weatherall, 2002). According to Bywater and Rolfe (2005), although some young people want help to find alternative means of coping with emotional pain and distress, and use self-harm as a means of communicating the severity of their anguish, trauma and pain to others, many children and adolescents who self-harm may not see their actions as a problem. This is in part because they perceive their actions as non-fatal and to affect no-one but themselves. Hawton, Rodham, Evans and Weatherall (2002) with a (community sample) UK study found that 6.9% of a school population of 15 and 16 year olds had engaged in an act of deliberate self-harm in the previous year. Only 12.6 per cent of these episodes had led to a hospital visit. These figures are similar to those from a US sample (Centers for Disease Control. Attempted Suicide among High School Students – United States 1990). Table 35 notes that 31% of all study participants self-harmed with ‘alcohol, with this being greater amongst males to females (46% to 17%), greater amongst non-depressives to depressives (43% to 18%) and greater amongst degree educated to non-degree educated depressives (46% to 0%). Alcohol abuse was found to be greater amongst depressive males to similar females (43% to 13%) and non-depressive males to similar females (50% to 33%). Like cigarettes, alcohol is a drug which can be bought legally over the counter by anyone over the age of 16 year old. One could postulate that with the ever cautious Food and Drug Administration in the USA and other countries, if alcohol was launched as a brand now it would be highly regulated. Alcohol is a drug, a very powerful and addictive one that can if taken in moderation be recreational. If taken in excess it can be dangerous to both those taking it health wise and dangerous if such an individual operates machinery or cars. The interview evidence suggests that alcohol begins as a social activity but can turn into a means to deal with work stress and in excess can form the vehicle for attempting suicide. Rachel notes that it can slow down the brain and Ronnie has noted that when he drinks he doesn’t feel dyslexic anymore. Are the two things related? Dyslexics commonly mentioned in this study that they think much faster than their ability to communicate and write down. Does drink slow down the brain or does drink relax the individual to such a degree that they lose their inhibitions or cares about the world around them. Alcohol serves as a central nervous system depressant which can cause relation and cheerfulness effects. Gorenstein (1987) suggests that alcohol affects the frontal lobes, which is where dyslexics are known to have unique neuron architecture, thus the ability of alcohol to numb the effects of dyslexia can not be ruled out, however no research has been made in this area. There is very little empirical evidence to rely on to investigate drug abuse amongst dyslexics. Scott (2004, p.169) suggests that, in general, 60% of alcoholics, mainly men, start drinking due to anxiety. As a counsellor to dyslexics, Scott found high frequencies of drug and alcohol-related anxieties amongst child and adult clients. She postulates that dyslexics are more likely than non-dyslexics to use drink and drugs to cope with anxiety. Scott found a significant proportion of dyslexic children, as young as 13years wishing to beat their addiction to tobacco, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, drink and anti-depressants. She has also come across drug, drink and food abuse as a means to reduce anxiety amongst children and adolescents with dyslexia. In girls anorexia and bulimia are used which represents a need to exert personal control for the sufferer, in a world where they are unable to control any other segment of their lives (e.g. school and home life). It may also be used as a cry for help as having such disorders gains the attention of parents and health officials, but in similar ways to truancy and behaviour manifestations, health and educational professionals will commonly treat the manifestation without looking for the initial root cause. Dyslexics who use drugs with Emotional Defence Mechanism are looking to escape their daily hell or feelings of being abnormal. Table 35 notes that 35% of all study participants self-harmed in relation with food and this was higher amongst females to males (39% to 18%), there was little difference between depressives and non-depressives (32% and 29%), however there was a large differential between degree and non-degree educated depressives (46% to 0%). Food abuse was higher amongst both depressive females to similar males (40% to 14%) and non-depressive females to males (33% to 25%). Food abuse from these results suggests it is generally a female strategy. Like alcohol, food is a legal substance and can be legally purchased by any individual regardless of age. The interview evidence suggests that food self-harm has many dimensions. Firstly it is used as comfort eating as a result of a stressful situation e.g. a poor mark in an examination or getting things wrong. Secondly if taken to extreme, can turn into binge eating is related to comfort eating, a means to reduce stress as food is commonly seen as a reward in children. Sweet foods like chocolate raise the body’s blood sugar and triggers a chemical reaction to calm the body. Binge eating is a faulty and uncontrollable means to rebalance self-esteem and treats the symptoms rather than cause. Sugar (methylanthines) cravings can be as powerful as drug addiction cravings, with sugar being more easily available and legal. The secondary side to binge eating is a conscious attempt to change body size, to put off people from getting close to them, along with a conscious attempt to reject society and society’s values. Thirdly, food can act as a means of control in the form of anorexia. Anorexia according to the evidence included in this study was a means to control their body. Was it a means to punish their body, as many dyslexics view their brains as having faulty wiring? One participant used to bang his head against walls, could this have been to try and get their brains to work properly, in the same way you would bang a toy to get it to work, or was it frustration and self-harm in revenge? The participant with anorexia said it was not to get attention as she would wear layers to disguise her weight loss, so was it therefore self-punishment and bodily control? As she also admitted that she avoided being noticed in class to avoid reading out aloud, to be invisible, so an alternative hypothesis could be that she was trying to reduce her size to be even more invisible or wither away. Lastly food can be used as an excuse to avoid sport and social interactions. As found in this study, Jordan began with food as a comfort but later it became an excuse to not interact with others. It was a reason to cover up his lack of co-ordination and ability on the playing field, as he had very active and sporty siblings. Data from Table 35 investigated ‘self harm via bodily harm’ and overall 23% of the overall sample admitted to such activity with females doing this more than males (28% to 9%), along with depressives more than non-depressives (23% to 14%). Surprisingly more non-degree to degree educated dyslexics caused themselves bodily harm (36% to 9%), with more depressive females to males bodily harming (27% to 14%) and more non-depressive females to males (33% to 0%). The interview evidence suggest that bodily harm can include hitting oneself in frustration (e.g. fists), banging oneself (e.g. hitting head against walls) and cutting oneself. Whereas the hitting and banging oneself can be related to the self-perception of ones body being faulty and the hitting and banging is in frustration, the cutting is a different factor. Cutting comes from either damaging ones own body as revenge for it causing pain and aggression, and it is more likely to come from control. Cutting can also be called self-mutilation based on hyper-stress or dissociation, as noted in Figure 14. Swales (2008) suggests that the intense pain from cutting can lead to the release of endorphins and so deliberate self-harm may become a means of seeking pleasure, although in many cases self-injury becomes a means to manage pain, in contrast to the pain that may have been experienced through abuse earlier in the sufferer's life over which they had no control according to Cutter, Jaffe and Seagal (2008). The interview evidence suggests that causing bodily harm is related to depression and forms part of feeling helpless and frustration with their inability to control their situation. Bodily-harm or self-mutilation came as a means to regain control, in a world they felt they had no control in, to bleed was a release of hyperstress from their day, especially from school. The interview evidence also points to alternative forms of self-harm. This can include taking drugs to taking illogical risks. Examples like Natasha, can include children looking for fights in the playground, as they don’t value their own body and have a low self-worth. Examples in Edwards (1995) note that children would also get into fights to avoid going to school. A few days off with a broken arm was worth it to avoid having to take tests and write. In a world where dyslexics are unable to control many aspects of their lives (more so in young dyslexics), self-harm by anorexia, bohemia or cutting oneself is a common means to have control over their bodies, as noted in Alexander-Passe (2009b, c, in press-2) and Scott (2004). Table 35 investigated ‘thinking about attempting suicide’ and overall 50% of this whole sample admitted to such thoughts, with this being greater amongst females to males (50% to 36%). Understandably, the depressed sample thought about suicide more than the non-depressives (50% to 29%) and interestingly degree to non-degree educated depressives thought about this more (64% to 36%). Both depressive females and non-depressive females thought about suicide more than similar males (53% to 43% and 33% to 25% respectively). The interview evidence mentions different aspects to thinking about suicide. Some think about ‘wouldn’t it have been easier if I had not have been born’, to ‘I wish I could fall into a black hole’. Many dyslexics especially those at school do not think through all the implications of a suicide action, but just want all their pain and suffering to end. Thoughts of being unworthy surface and they ask themselves about fitting into both their peer group and their families. As noted earlier several dyslexics thought they were adopted or tried to run away from home, this is no different to thinking about suicide in childhood. The intense feelings of not fitting in is traumatic and can cause emotional distress. Table 35 investigated from this sample those who had ‘attempted suicide’. Overall the figure was 42% with a significantly greater frequency amongst females than males (56% to 9%) and also greater amongst depressives to non-depressives (46% to 36%). It was interesting that non-degree to degree educated depressive dyslexics attempted suicide more (56% to 36%). Again females had attempted suicide more, with depressive females to males (60% to 14%) and non-depressive females to males (33% to 0%). It is interesting the frequency of non-depressives who had attempted suicide, which suggests that they might have been depressive after all. Attempting suicide is not only a cry for help, but an admission that they are unable to cope and that suicide is the only option they see open to them. Suicide is not only seen by some as a means to rid themselves from this earth, but to stop the burden that they are feel they are on their parents and society. Suicide they see as being the ultimate sacrifice as they feel shame, guilt, helpless, desperation, pain, anxiety and no way out. Also suicide is the only option some perceive, as even if they stayed alive they do not feel the contribute anything positive to those around them. The interview evidence points to attempted suicide as a way of coping due to not fitting in, it come as a result of frustration and anxiety about their difficulties which one can only suggest by the earlier results are related to dyslexia. Dyslexia is not just about reading and writing, it affects every communication and thought the sufferer experiences. It touches every part of the school curriculum and every part of communicating and interacting with society around us. When a dyslexic attempts suicide, they are saying ‘enough is enough, I can’t take it anymore’. Whilst other indirect factors are involved, it should not be underestimated how dyslexia affects relationships and the pressure that dyslexics feel as an outsider to even their own family. Many do not fit into their own family and unless a dyslexic finds a sympathetic life partner, their suffering continues in trying to fit into a world that many dyslexics find inhospitable. When children begin to withdraw or are extremely quiet or highly active and agitated, suicide may be seen as an option to dyslexic children, as a result of excessive bullying and rejection (Winkley, 1996). Scott (2004) suggests that problems related to dyslexia may be a cause of suicide, whilst real numbers are unknown. However as little research has been conducted in this area, numerous newspaper reports and anecdotes are the only real data to go on. Correlations between bullying, school failure, pressure to achieve academically, peer rejection, feelings of frustration, depression, guilt and hostility have been correlated with children’s suicide (Thompson and Rudolph, 1996; Harrington, Bredenkamp, Groothues, Rutter, Fudge and Pickles, 1994). Thompson and Rudolph (1996, p.446) go on to note that children with ‘learning disabilities or other learning difficulties that cause constant frustration are more likely to attempt suicide…gifted children may attempt suicide because their advanced intellectual ability makes relating to children their own age difficult’. It has been found that attempts of suicide increase during school term and decrease during school holiday (Winkley, 1996) and that the attempts increase in May and June to correspond with GCSE examinations. Peer (2002, p. 32) notes that the six cases presented to him from a dyslexic forum suggests that such children are fragile, vulnerable and feel the ramifications for failure are enormous. Riddick (1996, p. 107) describes how the problems encountered because of dyslexia was enough for dyslexic children to want to kill themselves, noting one mother ‘he wanted to be dead, there was nothing for him. He wanted his tie so that he could hang himself’. Scott (2004) notes that many cases of dyslexia led suicide are not recorded as the children are unable to write suicide notes.
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